Goodbye, farewell
by everythingstydia
Summary: Stiles and Lydia are going to colleges, senior year, they have to face their goodbyes...


_I know lots of these stories had been written, but I think this one's a little different... :)  
PLEASE LISTEN TO Chasing Cars by Sleeping at Last while reading. :) On repeat!_

I clutched the letter firmly in my hands, before opening it. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel the anxiousness overtaking my body. I'm about to find out if I got in! Something in the back of my head wanted so desperately to be rejected by the college, miles away; I forgot the eagerness of actually getting in.

Just do it Lydia.

I took a breath, but just before tearing the letter open, shiver went up and down my spine. I shook it away and nodded to myself, trying to help myself.

My trembling hands pulled away the paper. My life depends on one sentence. Somehow I found it ironic, but maybe it's just my angst of a possibility of moving away taking the best of me.

I pulled myself together and took the letter out in a swift movement. Here goes. Oh my God.

" _Dear Lydia Martin,_

 _Congratulations! We are pleased to tell you that you have been accepted to University of Cambridge beginning in Fall 2015, in Biochemistry…"_

Fuck no.

I got in. I can't believe I actually got in! Well, I can, to be honest. The inner me smirked in pride, but I couldn't shake the upcoming fear of moving to Europe. First thing that entered my mind was… them. Leaving them.

I'm sick, gah. I should be happy, I should be dancing, shouldn't I? And yet, all I think about is the sorrow of leaving. It should be normal to feel a little frightened, but still be ready for new start, right?

But now, I don't care about normal. I care about… goodbye.

My phone started vibrating on the table and I bit my lip, seeing the caller. With a puff of air, I answered.

"Stiles."

I could hear his light voice on the other end and I couldn't help but break a smile. I can never help it.

"Did you get in?!" He asked.

I nodded to myself, not really realizing that he can't see me. Something hot rolled over my stomach and I could feel tears threatening to burst out. I couldn't say anything to him; I rested my head in my hand, leaning it on the table somehow desperately. I'm going to college.

No, it's not that. I'm going away.

"Lydia?" His voice sounded a little calmer and I assumed he was probably thinking I didn't get in.

"I got in." I chuckled, swallowing tears away, but I could already feel wetness in my eyes. I mentally begged him to speak, so I could calm down. I took deep breaths, trying not to show my vulnerability at the thought of leaving Beacon Hills.

No! No, fuck! It's not that! Leaving them.

I almost shook my head, mentally kicking myself for an old habit of denying. I knew absolutely well I'm miserable not over leaving them.

I'm leaving him.

"Ah!" He laughed. "I knew it! Congratulations, pretty girl. Seriously, I…" He shut up and that caught my attention. I heard his soft breathing. "You got in. Lydia you are officially the smartest girl that ever hit on me." Stiles tried to lighten mood up with a joke and I wasn't sure why he sounded a little down, himself. Was it? Was it because I'm leaving? Could it be?

I still giggled at the phone.

"You think you're so smart, huh?" I teased.

"Well," Ugh, and I could practically hear his smirk. "I'm definitely above average."

That challenged another laugh out of me, and I was grateful. He didn't laugh back though and I could feel the tension rising up with his next question.

"So… When do you have to go?" His voice was small and I closed my eyes.

We talked for another half an hour and then he told me he hated talking about this on the phone. He wanted to meet up, for sure, but it was a little too overwhelming and I told him I have to wait for my mum to come back, to tell her the news. He definitely felt something's up, but I was quick to hang up. I hate it. I hate having to say goodbye to him. I won't be able to. Who would be able to say goodbye to the person they loved, anyway?

The following month was probably the best time of my life. And… worst. We spent all of it together, just us, just friends, and these were the most beautiful days, but at the end of every day, every day Stiles dropped me off, every time I kissed his cheek goodbye, it stroke me. It didn't matter how much time I was going to spend with them, I was still going away. I was going away to England, and it was miles away and I knew, that no matter what, it would never be the same again. We celebrated Scott getting into UC Davis, then Kira and Stiles both got into Stanford. Malia decided to take a year off. I was a bit skeptical about her taking a break after she had already missed so much, but Stiles explained it to me. It was because that Malia's experience of high school went by in a speed of wind; she wasn't sure who she wanted to be. She said she didn't have any time to think about it, to even meet the possibilities. I felt a little bad for her.

They broke up, her and Stiles, a while ago. Neither of them said their reasons to the rest of the group, but we didn't push it. They remained friends and things were well. They were staying close, all of them. As I said, things were well…

They wanted to say their goodbyes the day before my flight, and I was a little surprised. I thought they were going to see me off. We met up in the school parking lot, because… where else? Even Liam came!

It was hard, keeping myself together. I loved these people so much. Of course, I was in love with one of them, but I did all my best to ignore it. It wasn't going to change anything. I was still leaving. I had to be strong and not be selfish, and just be strong for him.

As soon as I stepped out of the car, Stiles hugged me fiercely, pulling me closer to his chest. I felt my stomach shrink but I couldn't shrug it off. I clenched to Stiles more keenly, as if we were already saying goodbye. He left out a shaky breath, and I saw Scott, Kira, Malia and Liam waiting for us a little further, nearer school.

"Hello, pretty girl." He said in a husky voice.

"Hi," I greeted him in a whisper.

He let go of me, but I grabbed his hand and he squeezed it. I looked at him gratefully and he shot me the best smile. My heart flustered and went beating in every rhythm possible and with that not being enough, he looked me up and down, his eyes stopping at my shoes.

"Flats?" His lips parted.

I stuck out my tongue to him, and we walked over to our friends without another word, hand in hand. Kira was already tearing up, Scott and Liam looked startled as hell. Malia wasn't trying to keep it cool either. She looked genuinely sad, but at least she didn't look as depressed as Kira, and somehow I appreciated it.

"I'm not sure I can do this," I laughed, but my voice broke disloyally.

I felt Stiles' arms wrap around my middle from behind and it was like every single fiber of my being went crashing down and burning out. His warm breath reached my ear.

"They are saying their goodbyes now, and then I'm stealing you for the rest of the evening." He muttered.

I nodded, not even questioning why Stiles wanted a separate goodbye. Maybe it was a good idea. I sniffled, unable to hold it back anymore and the boy, the man I loved, let go of me from his embrace, then calmly stepped back.

I smiled but looked away for a second too, trying to stop myself from crying just for a second. I knew it was inevitable, but I wanted to suppress my sob at least for now. I hated crying…

"Malia." I smiled and she grinned back, evident sadness in her dark eyes. "It was a pleasure." I giggled brokenly and a smile tugged on her lips.

"You're so pretty." She said with a hint of playfulness and we both broke into laughter, but my teary eyes were mirroring hers.

She shook her head and stepped into a hug. I could feel her body shaking just a bit, betraying her coolness, and she whispered into my ear something that I think only I heard.

"Thank you."

"For what, sweetheart?" I asked.

"For giving me your notes." She answered friskily and I smiled again. "No…" Girl continued. "There are lot of things I learned from you. Thank you."

She stepped away, wiping her tears away, but I noticed they weren't stopping. Oh my God.

Liam scooped me up in a hug next. Well, for a sixteen year old, he wrapped his arms around me too tightly.

"L-Liam..!" I breathed. "Too-Too tight…"

He softened his hold on me and leaned back a little, his wide eyes were questioning and panicked.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry! Did I squash you?"

"I'm not a bug." I smirked. "You can't squash me."

All three boys chuckled and I hugged Liam again.

"Don't go falling in holes again, okay, baby? I hear those are bad for you." I joked.

He was silent for a moment, which was very uncharacteristically for him.

"Okay, mom." He responded, and when he pulled away I smacked his hand, along with a warm smile.

"You do know you're my little mom, right?" The boy asked, raising his eyebrows.

I gave him a stern look, but it didn't reach my eyes and he winked at me.

"I'm only two years older than you." I pointed out.

He didn't respond to that and I turned to Kira. She looked absolutely miserable. I guess I understood why. I was her first girl friend here, I was her first friend overall in Beacon Hills, probably.

She swayed on her heels, biting her lip to stop it from trembling. Tears were on the end of my lashes and I rushed to her, then brushed away wetness from her cheeks.

"It's too real." She sobbed a little and I saw Scott, with a corner of my eye. He stepped away, hiding his face with his hands, the shaking his head, as it was too hard for him to see, or bear.

"I know," I returned.

My eyesight was already blurred and I tried to blink it away.

"You'll be here, right? For the big moments? We all have to be there for the big moments." Kitsune smiled at me and I heard Stiles snuffle behind me.

"I will." I promised, knowing I would have to break it, but I wrapped my arms around her anyway. I felt her tears on my shoulder and we swayed a little bit, pouring our goodbyes into a comfortable embrace.

"You know you were my first friend here." She said. "You accepted me, and for that I am so grateful." She whimpered and I closed my eyes, ruining probably my entire make up, but I didn't care, not at this point.

"Of course I did." I laughed. "You were just too cute, with your obsession over Bardo."

She chuckled in that girly sound of hers, which was always my favorite. I was glad I was still able to make them laugh, even if breaking apart.

She stepped back, now fully crying and it was too much, so I let out a mild sob myself, after holding it in for such a long time. Malia put her arm around Kira and I nodded for some reason. They were going to be okay. They would take care of each other.

My body tightened when Scott stepped closer. Other than Stiles, I hated saying goodbye to him the most. He was… I couldn't even find words for it. He was always there for me. At my lowest, he was my best friend, he would always talk sense into me and I was so thankful that we became so close.

"Well, my Queen B?" He grinned and hugged me powerfully, sweeping me of my feet, then turned me around like a little girl.

He pulled back after that, his hands still around my waist. His brown eyes were looking down at me with pride and love, and a hint of sorrow. I didn't want him to feel this way. I didn't want my brother to feel this way.

"She would've been very proud of you..."

That did it completely and I broke down in tears, lowering my head against his chest, and he protectively kissed the top of my head. I cried without a sound, and to me it was the scariest cry there was. It was the one of hurt. It was kept for so long.

When I finally found the power in myself to look back into his eyes, he also tried as best as he could, to smile to me.

"You know, I'll always look up to you?" I assured him. "And not just because you're taller than me."

He shook his head and it was painful, hearing his voice so small and broken.

"I'm sorry." He said, still holding my look. "I wanted to be strong for you, but the thought of you leaving… I can't bear it. We were supposed to stay together, you know? All of us."

My eyes closed unwillingly, but I didn't feel any tears. Maybe I had cried all of them?

Still, my heart started beating more rapidly, at his small hint, and I almost shrieked, thinking about Allison. He was right; we were supposed to be here together.

"I know. I know… We'll be okay, Scott, okay? You gave me so much and I… grew up with you and I learned so much about the person I wanted to be, being around you. You are amazing man, Scott McCall."

One small brilliant drop left his eyes and he nodded at me. I think we both knew that this was not going to be easy. And it was not going to be the same.

I initiated another hug, and squeezed him more tightly this time, standing on my tip toes to whisper in his ear.

"Don't let go of it, Scott."

"Let go of what?" He asked in a hoarse voice.

"You innocence." I breathed out. "Don't ever let go of it."

We let go of each other and it seemed like the worst break up I've ever had. My friends were standing in front of me and I shook my head, trying to convince myself that we were going to see each other often, at occasions; we were going to call each other. But I knew that was not how it worked. I was one step to another part of my life, and they were not included.

With absolute horror on my face I turned to the last person left.

"Stiles." I said and I felt like crying immediately. His face was gloomy and eyes seemed to be bloodshot. He walked over to me in a second, taking my hand in his.

All four of them stepped away slowly, and I looked at their faces, all smiling up to me. I smiled back and without saying any word, they started walking away in soft steps, leaving me and Stiles alone near the school entrance.

He tugged at my arm gently.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"School." He beamed.

I nodded and we turned to the door. It always seemed so comical to me how Beacon Hills High was always open. We survived life and death here in these corridors, but now, when I walked into it probably for the last time, it seemed so peaceful…

He intertwined his fingers through mine and we simply started walking down the hall. School was empty at Saturday and the lockers and classes seemed so welcoming. Huh, maybe it was just my nostalgia kicking in.

Words stuck to my tongue. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. Because goodbye weighed more when forever hung off the end. And I wasn't sure about forever. I wasn't sure about anything. Except that, at the moment I wanted to believe that he would always be there. Even if it meant many years down the road. I needed to still have something to hold onto.

He didn't say anything either, and I think we could both hear the shattering noise of something breaking inside of us and the looming shadow of the last word, the one we refused to say.

We were still roaming around the school in slow steps, and us, holding each other's' hands were so comforting.

Stiles finally stopped me in the middle of the hall, then stepped in front of me and cupped my cheeks.

We stood there, looking at each other, saying nothing. But it was the kind of nothing that meant everything  
So that was that. We were growing apart.  
I looked at him, and I felt so sad.

I saw him tearing up and my tired eyes gave in too.

I didn't know how to say goodbye to him. With him, words were stupid. They said so little.

"You've changed." He started eventually. "You are strong woman now, not the spoiled brat you used to be." I giggled shyly. "You know you will be great. You will be perfect."

Tears started making their way down shamelessly, but I didn't care.

He held me and for a moment I heard total silence. The one that announces the most terrible goodbye.

"I'm sorry." His throat tightened and his eyes lost focus a little. "You have made my world a little more perfect."

I nodded, desperately wanting to say something to him, but I couldn't think of anything that would suit the way I was feeling.

Even in a moment like this, he tried to lighten the mood.

"You know guys will wanna sleep with you?" I tilted my head to the side and grinned, but he kept talking. "Few will fall in love with you, and eventually love you. I do and I did."

Before I could respond, he stepped forward. Then he was kissing me one last time. It wasn't heated but it was everything we both felt. It was that kind of kiss that inspired to climb into the sky and light up the world.

When he gently pulled away we stood there leaning our foreheads together, memorizing every last detail. I was desperate to capture this last, lingering moment, desperate to stop that sinking feeling in my chest.

 _Please don't let me forget._

"Let's not say goodbye." I suggested quietly. "Let's say farewell. Farewell has a sweet sound of reluctance. Goodbye is short and final, it's sharp. I'll never be happy if I say goodbye to you right now."

"I need you to be happy." He said, shadowing my lips. "One of us has to be happy."

I pulled away right after that and looked at him fearfully.

"What do you mean? You're going to Stanford, things are going to be good for you guys."

"Yeah…" he muttered and I glanced at the clock on the wall.

"I have to go," I whispered. Stiles nodded, still keeping me close. I took a breath and hugged him.

"Farewell," I told him, running my hands across his broad back one last time. "I love you. And I will never, ever stop missing you."

He sighed, squeezing me gently to him, then after putting everything he felt, in a hug, we pulled away. I couldn't believe I was actually leaving. Leaving him was like hearing every goodbye ever, said to me all at once.

I took one frail step away from him, but it didn't get any easier, walking away from him. I looked back at him, and it felt like someone had invaded my chest and squeezed everything out of my heart until it was a tiny dry sponge.

xxx

Stiles tore the door of his house open, his eyes puffy and his chest aching. His father met him in the kitchen, and Stiles wordlessly sat down next to him, not really feeling the ground underneath.

"Did you tell her?" Sherriff asked quietly.

Stiles furrowed his eyebrows.

"Did I tell her that I was staying in Beacon Hills? Did I tell her that my dementia was right here on the surface and I didn't have that much time? No, dad. I didn't tell her. She would've stayed." His voice broke for the third time this day.

He began to cry, not hysterically or screaming as people cry when concealed rage with tears, but with continuous sobs that has just discovered that he felt alone. He cried because safety and reason seemed to have left the world. Loneliness was a reality, but in this situation madness was also remotely a possibility.

xxx

 **E-mail.**

 **From: Lydia Martin**

 **2019 08 25**

 _Dear Scott._

 _I'm okay, I'm alive. I'm calm and sad, and today is not making it better overall._

 _You know, it's been… You know how long it's been, but I still say no. I still can't come back to Beacon Hills. I don't I'll ever be able to. That was not how it was supposed to be, wasn't it? Look who's left, it's just you and me, on the last page. I worry about you, you know. I think you're alone. Don't be alone, Scott._

 _You'll probably reply to me, saying how hypocrite of me to say that, but I can't help it. I don't feel alone. I don't let a day go by without thinking of him. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. The good ones. I still cannot understand sometimes, how could he abandon me without a goodbye, how could he not have told me what was going on, but then I just think about our story, all of us, and I don't feel bitter anymore._

 _If you're going to.. visit him today, please, visit Ally as well._

 _Goodbye._

 _Love, Lydia._

I WAS SO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS! PLEASE REVIEW!


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